Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
