do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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