Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
