i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
