I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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