so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
