the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
