so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
