what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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