Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
