You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
