I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
