You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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