mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
