We're facebook friends in real life
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
