will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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