I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
