im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
MIDGETS
????
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
