Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
