WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In America we eat man semen.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
