nut hugger
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
