I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
