i will never coherently bang her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
