Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
