dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
