i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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