We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
