The maid of honor just puked.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
God, I missed his penis.
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