Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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