Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize