you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
