Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
