My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
