I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
