I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
