Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
