omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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