Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
