apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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