Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
