i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
