My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
