I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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