I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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