it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
