I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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