And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
