after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Randomize
