Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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