He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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