If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
