so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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