1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
