then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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