even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
