I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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