do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
