Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize