I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
