I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
