It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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