so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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