haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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