I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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