puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
