I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
