He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
