Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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