I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how drunk are you?
Several
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
