I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
